Based on the hilarious Gilbert and Sullivan classic H.M.S. Pinafore, U.S.S. Metaphor includes such characters as Captain Closeted, his gay son sailor Stephen (in love with sailor Ralph Rackstraw), sanctimonious Reverend Dick Deadheart, the lovable Mister Buttercup, Savoy Network News reporter Anderson Scooper, presidential candidate the Honorable Secretary Josephine Porter, and her travel companion, "Aunt" Shebe. The ship is docked at Boston Harbor as Secretary Porter and her entourage visit to inspect for "homosexual activity." An inevitable happy ending celebrates same-sex marriage and tolls the bell for an end to Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

• Music